This is what Jim shared to help others who hate to see what their partners go through when they suffer with endo, and it reminds me about how much he loves me and that through all the pain and tears there is happiness 🙂
Hi Everyone, my name is Jim and am going to try and tell you about what endo means to me…..
I have two women in my life now! not through choice, more by fate i guess? Who are they then, these two women in my life?
Firstly, there is ‘Happy Heidi’
I met Happy Heidi some years ago now, she was bright and bubbly, full of life and at times quite feisty!! Her outlook on life was very much ‘Bring it on!’ Her smile and laughter was infectious, just as infectious was her kindness and genuine concern for the people around her. She always, and i mean always put others before herself. Very much a ‘giver’ not a ‘taker’. I would challenge anybody out there to find a more loyal friend than her.
Then there is ‘Endo Heidi’
I first met Endo Heidi shortly after our relationship started. She appeared without invitation, ‘gatecrashing’ into our lives out of nowhere. Endo Heidi is a frustrated soul, who is trying so hard to be like Happy Heidi! But no matter how hard she tries, it seems that at times she is doomed to fail. This makes Endo Heidi sad, frustrated and takes away all of her self confidence and hope for the future. Whilst she still cares for those around her, she is surrounded by people who just can’t or won’t try and understand her (present company excepted folks!) But like Happy Heidi, she tries all the time to put others first.
How then do i live with these two different women? what does it mean for me ?
I still see Happy Heidi, but not too often these days. It is a joy every time she does visit, but alas her visits are over too shortly. Endo Heidi on the other hand, has more or less taken up permanent residence here.
To start with i found it difficult to relate to this thing called Endometriosis. I had heard of it for sure, but i knew nothing about it whatsoever. It was a ‘woman thing’ and it did sometimes have the ‘yuk’ factor when it was explained, but it didn’t seem to be enough somehow. How could this condition cause the misery that i have witnessed, the tears i have dried or the life changes that have had to be made?
I needed to know more, and to understand Endo Heidi, i could not begin to deal with this until i knew what i was up against in the rivalry for my attentions. This site, the internet in general and various books have helped, but it also clear that it seems to affect all of you in slightly different ways. I made the conscious decision to be with Heidi at all her hospital appointments, and not just sit outside, but go in with her and hear from ‘the horses mouth’ what Endo Heidi was up against. I am so glad that i did, no matter how uncomfortable it was, or how great the ‘squirm’ factor was.
It still does not explain how some misplaced cells can cause Happy Heidi to curl up in a ball in pain, walk like jemimah puddleduck, go weeks without proper sleep or fear any sort of physical contact. I have developed a pretty good Endo Radar now, and fortunately for me Endo Heidi is not very good at covering things up! I think that the truth is that as far as medicine goes these days, there is not going to be an answer any day soon. So for now i have to find ways to deal with this, and most importantly support Endo Heidi.
What can i do then to support these different but wonderful women ?
- Be patient. Some things are worth waiting for!
- Empathise, never sympathise.
- Be the best listener you can possibly be
- Be prepared to be on the end of the angry gun, for me i know that it is Endo Heidi just trying to express herself.
- Be there….even if it takes you out of comfort zone…just be there!
- Sex isn’t everything…a cuddle means so much more sometimes
- Educate…friends and family, in the workplace….educate!
- Tolerance…Endo is not an excuse for bad behaviour, but it has to be considered.
- Don’t take any waffle or crap from medico’s – be prepared to challenge. After all you know about this condition, you do not need blind faith!
- Believe that it is all worth it!
I believe that with ‘Both’ Heidi’s it is worth it. She is special to me, my little Endo Warrior.
Guys, don’t be afraid get involved, educate yourselves and understand more. It helped me, perhaps it will help you.
Thanks for the chance to say what i feel…
Jim
*** I couldn’t be any luckier and the last 6yrs have been very hard at times, but maybe now we are beginning to beat the nhs and they will hopefully approve funding and then we can find out once and for all what else is going, endo and other probs might be in my body but they do not control me, they make simple tasks hard but also make me apprecaite the real things which are important and to enjoy each day and moment as it happens, thank you to Jim and those few very close friends who are always there texting me and my voice of reason when I consider throwing in the towel but NO. Jim has never met anyone so stubborn and my stubborn streak will never give up the fight.
Thank you so much and here is to the next 6yrs and more
Hmspebbles my smiles, my tears and my dreams share 